Ever find yourself writing the same old thing in your holiday greeting cards every December?

“Wishing you a very merry Christmas”

“Happy holidays from us all”

“Season’s greetings!”

…blah, blah, blah. Once you’ve written that shit five times, you start to pray for death, AMIRITE?! Not to mention the other fifteen cards on the pile that still need doing.

So how about we shake things up a lil this year? How’s about we write a non-cliché message that’ll make your recipient be like, “lol”?

I got you, boo. Scroll down for some original holiday greetings.

Based on current events, trends and sayings, I tap into today's culture and climate...in a funny and sarcastic way. My characters are original and many have their own social following. Enjoy!

“Joyeux Noël”

This one goes out to all my wanky mates. If you want to sound cultured as fuck, try this vintage French number on for size.

“A Happy Christmas and a Lucky New Year!”

I stole this from a vintage cigarette advert, but who’s to know? It sounds charming and is different enough to make people be like ‘woah’!

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“Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal.”

Everyone loves Kevin McAllister. When they aren’t leaving him behind, that is.

Snatch this humdinger from Home Alone and give a greeting and diss at the same time. Use it on your frenemies, loathed relatives and people you straight up hate.

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“Gruß vom Krampus”

This translates from German as ‘greetings from the Krampus”. For those of you who don’t know, Krampus is the anti-Santa.

He goes around the villages of Germany, whipping naughty children with reeds and stuffing them into a woven basket on his back.

There’s even a Krampus night where the adults dress up and walk the streets.

So, yeah. Sick greeting.

Discover & share this Christmas GIF with everyone you know. GIPHY is how you search, share, discover, and create GIFs.

“Holidays are Comin’”

Keep things festive and light with this delightful throwback to 90’s Coca-Cola!

It covers seasonal holidays across multiple faiths and comes with its own jingle.

Thanks, Coca-Cola!

The official Giphy for the ABC Television Network.

“Hope your Hanukkah is lit”

Wrote an original greeting for all my Jewish babes.

REPRESENT!

“May you receive a generous helping of the season’s pleasures”

Straight out of the weird Victorian Christmas card playbook, we have an oddly quaint yet sexual greeting about pleasures.

This is off-beat and a bit decadent, so it’s appropriate to use on a grandparent or someone you fancy.

Mayfield has paved an unconventional lifestyle - playing in her family's bluegrass band since the age of eight, she didn't have any traditional schooling and released her first album at the age of fifteen, when she was discovered by Dan Auerbach of the Black Keys.

“He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake…”

Drop this ominous line into a card and watch someone’s face as they read it.

It’ll be hilarious, I promise.

Discover & share this Drunk Santa GIF with everyone you know. GIPHY is how you search, share, discover, and create GIFs.

“Get naughty this holiday season”

This is the movie tagline for Bad Santa. But no one else needs to know that.

“May you be happy as kittens!”

A genuine greeting taken from a real Victorian Christmas card.

I don’t understand it, but I like it.

10 ‘alternative’ festive greetings to use in your cards…