How to not take negative feedback personally

Image via: Rahul Pandit

It’s a feeling many of us just can’t shake. Even before you turn in that first draft, the nagging doubt is already settling into your stomach.

You can’t help but give it one last proof, one last tweak.

You avoid your emails for hours after you’ve submitted the work, paranoid you’ll find feedback sitting in your inbox.

In most cases, notes are minor and very fair. But what about when they aren’t?

How can you stop yourself from taking those comments personally? If you’re anything like me, you’re prone to stewing over negative feedback for hours and even letting it affect your confidence.

And that’s just not disco, my friend.

I’ve been doing a lot of personal work on this particular subject recently, so I thought I’d share what I’ve learned…

It’s not about you (spoilers: it never is)

Firstly, your copy is the thing under evaluation here. Not you as a person.

Even when someone is deliberately swinging their judgement hammer right at your face, it’s still rarely about you. It’s about them! Their issues, their ambitions, their shit.

When reviewing a draft, the client is looking with a highly critical eye. They’re paying for a service with a view to achieving something very specific and are probably going to be ruthless AF when surveying the copy. Quite rightly!

They’re hyper-focused on the task at hand and you probably aren’t even a speck on the radar! If anything, it’s a compliment — the client is confident you’ll handle the edits in a professional, non-emotional way.

Consider why you’re upset

Okay, so that first point didn’t help you. No matter how many times you tell yourself the client isn’t out to mortally wound you with a red pen, you’re still upset.

So, why is that?

Might be helpful to take a quiet minute and consider how the feedback made you feel and why.

Here’s an example to help you out:

I have a very long history of being bullied by bad bosses (and I mean really bad). Any time I made a mistake, I was shouted at in front of my entire team and made to feel hopelessly small. I’ve had three bosses in three separate industries and three separate roles who did this to me.

Whenever I get ruthless feedback from a client, it hits on this old wound and sends me into a panic spiral. All that shame comes flooding back.

So I try to remind myself that I’m not a victim or a bully-magnet anymore. I’m an experienced, skilled professional who owns the business and chooses the clients.

Get your imposter syndrome in check

If you regularly take client feedback to heart, you may be an imposter syndrome sufferer. And, if my Sherlock-like detective skills are correct, that means you’re probably projecting your own feelings of inadequacy onto your client.

Negative client feedback validates the feelings you have about yourself. But answer me this…how did you win the work if not with your epic skills? And how many first drafts go straight to publication with no tweaks at all? Very few!

And like I said in point 1, the client isn’t thinking about you at all. They’re focused on the task at hand, so get your head in the game and use your sick skills to turn out a dazzling second draft.

Face the challenge head on

The classic reaction to bad feedback is to clam up and get defensive. To shy away from the job out of fear and panic.

So let’s pull a Blazin’ Squad and Flip Reverse It.

This is a challenge for you to conquer. If you misjudged the brief, how can you learn from that mistake? Could you alter the briefing process with this client? Add a new element to improve things?

Don’t let the fear and negativity paralyse you — use it to improve your craft. 🤘