Unmasking your inner critic: identify your blocks and smash them
Image via Adam Cai
Here’s a scary thought: your inner critic is probably the voice of someone in your life. At some time or other, a person you know has ridiculed or coddled you so much that they literally haunt your brain. Bear with me, I’ll explain everything.
I recently took an afternoon to work through Nail Your Offering for Freelancers & Creatives by Sophie Cross. In it, there’s a section on identifying what you used to be like when you were carefree and what happened to change it.
And it got me thinking.
When I was in primary school, I was — essentially — creative director of the playground. I used to make up musicals which I’d perform in front of the class. Other students would ask to be cast in ‘roles’ and before I knew it, I’d have a theatre troop on my hands. I used to direct people without feeling self-conscious because I had a strong creative vision and knew what needed to happen.
I also used to invent elaborate playground games. I’d create entire fictional worlds with rules and conventions, then lead everyone through the story, helping them create their own characters along the way.
I was a visionary (and a tyrant).
In secondary school, I used to make films and documentaries with my friends. Our ghost-hunting documentary was even covered in the local paper. It was far from cool, and plenty of people called me out on it, but I couldn’t bring myself to give a fuck because I was having too much fun.
So what the fuck happened?
Adulthood, my guy.
I steadily internalised the voices of people around me until their values became my own.
An entire career of volatile, unpredictable bosses taught me to fear decision-making. Every proactive move or independent decision was an invitation to public ridicule and humiliation.
The result? Don’t dare make autonomous decisions. If you’re in a situation where decision-making can’t be avoided, you’ll need to try and predict every possible outcome to make sure there are no mishaps.
When I was a teenager, I had one particular message drummed into me: if you fail, you deserved it. When disaster, misfortune or humiliation strikes, you deserved it because you thought you were so great. You deserved to fail because you were too confident, too sassy, too strong-willed.
The lesson? Never be confident because people will relish your failures, and you’ll never be allowed to forget it.
Those horrible people have become my internal critics. After all these years, the lessons they taught me are still fiercely in place. They stop me from being freely creative, from trusting myself, and from making my own decisions.
Does any of this sound familiar to you? I hope not, but if it does, here’s a method I’ve developed of getting around it.
Listen, acknowledge, thank, and move on
This is a lesson I picked up from Tara Mohr’s book Playing Big and it’s served me well ever since. Tara says the voice isn’t purely criticism or fear, it’s also protection. It’s you trying to protect yourself from more hurt.
We still need to get rid of it, though.
Next time the fear bubbles up, and you start to doubt yourself, take a minute and breathe. Listen to the fears being raised and acknowledge them. Yes, it’s possible you’ll fail, they’ll hate the work, or things will go wrong. But isn’t it equally possible that the opposite could happen? Thank your brain for trying to protect you and then gently move forward into the great unknown.
Reconnect with the spirit of carefree creativity
When I start to freak out, I think back to myself in primary school. She had a clear vision, she relished in a creative challenge, and had full confidence in the choices she’d made. I used to be her, and I can be her again. If you can remember a time when you felt like that, try to channel it and get your brain back into that place. Reconnect with the feeling, my guy!
That’s all I got for you, fella.
Hit me up on Twitter and share your tips or war stories. I’d love to hear them!
